I really am not worthy... But HE Still Loves Me!

This morning I decided to listen to a song that I love dearly, as it shows me how graceful God is.  I am not worthy of God's love, but He loves me irregardless.  God is using me, an imperfect vessel.  God keeps promoting me, with minimal effort.  And, God has thee best in store for me.  In saying this, please dont lose hope, please dont doubt your abilities, and please avail yourself to be God's willing vessel.  #GodFirst

Lyrics to Beyonce's "But He Still Loves me" (She features, Angie Stone and Walter Williams Sr.)

"He Still Loves Me"

Took me a while 
But I'm finally here 
So I just wanna testify 
Make it crystal clear 
See I've been picked out 
To be picked on 
talked bout outta me friends mouth 
I've been beat down 
Til he turned my life around 
(turn my life around) 

seems like I always fall short 
of bein worthy 
Cuz I aint good enough 
but he still loves me 

I aint no superstar 
The spotlight aint shinin on me 
(no no no no no) 
cuz I aint good enough 
but he still loves me 
Loves me 

I used to wake up somedays 
and wish i'd stayed asleep 
cuz i went to bed on top of the world 
today the worlds on top of me 
everybody's got opinions 
(they share) 
They aint been in my position 
(they don't care) 
that it breaks my heart when I hear what they 
have to say about me yeah 
(what they say) 

seems like I always fall short (fallin short) 
of bein worthy (Lord I aint worthy) 
Cuz I aint good enough (no no) 
but he still loves me (still loves me) 

I aint no superstar 
I wanna be for you 
The spotlight aint shinin on me 
(but i want to be for you) 
cuz I aint good enough 
but he still loves me 

I'm not perfect 
(I'm not perfect) 
Yes I do wrong 
(yes I do wrong) 
I'm trying my best 
(trying my best but) 
But it aint good enough 
(just aint good enough) 
Shunned by the world 
(shunned by the world) 
If I don't succeed 
Cuz I aint good 
But he still loves me 
(I just aint good enough) 

If you aint worthy just raise your hands 
And let me know that you understand 
That we are all so blessed 
To be loved, loved 

stand for him or fall for anything 
cuz through his eyes we all look the same 
What will we do 
Without out pain 

Feels like we always fall short 
Of bein worthy (we are not worthy) 
Cuz I aint good enough 
But he still loves me 
I aint no superstar 
(I aint no superstar but I wanna be for you Lord) 
The spotlight aint shinin on me 
Cuz I aint good enough 
(Oh) 
But you still love me 

I'm not perfect 
Yes I do wrong 
I'm tryin my best but 
(tryin my best) 
It aint good enough 
(I'm not good enough) 
Shunned be the word 
(shunned by the world) 
If i dont succeed 
(i dont succeed-ceed-ceed) 
Cuz I aint good enough 
But he still loves me 
(child sing with me) 
I'm not perfect 
Yes I do wrong 
I'm tryin my best but 
It aint good enough 
(But the Lord's been so good to me) 
Shunned be the word 
(Shunned by the world) 
If i dont succeed 
Cuz I aint good enough 
(I aint good enough) 
But he still loves me 
(The Lord still loves me) 

No I aint good enough 
But He still loves me 
(Raise your hands if ya understand) 
No I aint good enough 
(How he blessed you cuz he blessed you too) 
but He still loves me 
(even though I aint worthy) 
No I aint good enough 
(you aint worthy, He's there for you) 
but He still loves me 
(no matter what I do) 
No I aint good enough 
(I aint good enough) 
but he still loves me 
(but the Lord still loves me)

Love at first sight. The day I gained insight!

The feeling you get when you step into this museum...  ABSOLUTELY PRICELESS.  One memory I will treasure forever!  I know I am highly blessed and favoured, if I get the opportunity again.

Louvre Museum in Paris

To know more about this museum click on the link: http://famouswonders.com/louvre-museum-in-paris/

My social network Crush

If there is one thing that I hate about social network chat applications, it is the fact that they can make a person rather obsessive.  I am a BBM girl, however, since camp, I have spent a tremendous time on Whatsapp.  And, I actually love whatsapp, my justifications against it were really subjective as I was a die hard BBM fan.

Now, as much as I love whatsapp, it has two major flaws.  One, it has made me somewhat obsessive.  I have those contacts that I love to chat to, however, when they do not respond to your messages...  My goodness, I wish I could just...  Whoooooh, let me not say.  Then there is this last seen nonsense.  Like really, you are online, but you are not responding to my messages.  Or the "last seen on Thurs at 23:52", when you didnt even respond to my message sent at 23:45.  Kanti what have you been doing?  And who were you chatting to, cause clearly it is not me alone. Hayi, to be honest, this is a violation of privacy.  Not just mine (as there are those that I dont respond to as well), but the person that I am now questioning.

Anyways, this has contributed in me having a crush on someone.  Known in real life, but making me like them more through a social network. I look forward to their "hello, goodmorning, or Hey Manandi" greetings, and the flow of convo thereafter.  I stalk them on Whatsapp, BBM, facebook, twitter, etc...  It is sad when you have a crush who is NOT even active on social media, as you die ALONE.  Either way, I really hope there is real substance to my crush, (otherwise all these hopes remain to be an infliction of my imagination) as the more you interact face to face with someone, the more you know them.  The more you get to know their dreams, flaws, bad habits and vice versa.  I really hope this wont be another use to be, but in the interim, I will continue to have the fun in my mind...

Social networks have contributed to instant gratification, and this kills substance, suspense and patience.  However, after reading this link below, I know that the intent of social media is to make us insane: http://postgradproblems.com/new-study-says-social-media-is-making-you-crazy/ .  So my prayer for February, is for God to make me more patient.

Amen!

My List

So you know what they say about writing the qualities you want in your man.  I remember, as I was reading the Goddess Bootcamp, one of the assignments requires a woman to write down the qualities they want in their man, and make it public or place it in a public domain.  So here it goes...

1. Fears and Loves God
2. Loves the women in his life (family) and treats them well.
3. Must be at my level or higher - spiritually, emotionally, intellectually, financially and professionally.
4. Loves children
5. Loves music (preferably artistic as well)
6. Adaptable (adapts to all situations)
7. Out going (adventurous, travel, leisure)
8. Gadget and technology freak.
9. Spontaneous, will surprise me with flowers, vouchers, tickets, etc...
10. Comfortable with who he is and where he is in his life.
11. Does not mind my ghetto alta ego.

Not too bad ne???  

PS: Loving and respecting me need not be on the list, as I believe these are a given (common sense).

Happy Birthday Sade

Today Sade turns 55.  I really love this woman who sings one of my favourite songs: "Love is Stronger than Pride".

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to this soulful, elegant and absolutely beautiful lady!

"LOVE IS STRONGER THAN PRIDE"

I wont pretend that I intend to stop living

I wont pretend I'm good at forgiving

But I cant hate you

Although I have tried

Mmmmm

I still really really love you

Love is stronger than pride

I still really really love you

Mmmmm

I won't pretend that intend to stop living

I wont pretend I'm good at forgiving

But I can't hate you

Although I have tried

Mmmm

I still really really love you

Love is stronger than pride

I still really really love you

Mm mm mm mm mm

Sitting here wasting my time

Would be like

Waiting for the sun to rise

It's all too clear things come and go

Sitting here waiting for you

Would be like waiting for winter

It's gonna be cold

There may even

Be snow

Love is stronger than pride

I still really really love you

Love is stronger

I still really really love you

Love is stronger than pride

I still really really love you

Happy Birthday Simone de Beauvoir (9 January 1908 – 14 April 1986)

"The word love has by no means the same sense for both sexes, and this is one cause of the serious misunderstanding that divide them." - Simone de Beauvoir

BRULE Camp 2013 - What a refreshing experience! (Day 1)

I thought I would not talk about about my camp experience, but nah, I just cannot do that.

My decision to go to camp was a spontaneous one.  I saw Nokuthula Nkabinde always post about this adventurous camp and I took the decision to make an impulsive payment, and I must say, it was my best decision for 2013.

BRULE for those who like me did not understand the meaning is, as defined by Naledi Leotlela "Brule is an acronym for Business, relationships, unemployment, leadership and economy.  Brule is the name for the youth ministry of Charisma, its set to cater for young adults as far as the five areas are concerned."

Day 1 - The Arrival:

I arrived at the departure point, I saw a few familiar faces: Kabelo Moroka, Nokuthula Nkabinde, Mpumi Jiyane (now Mrs Mpumi Moroka), Doctor and Neo (my only friend).  This made my anxiety drop a little, but then the thought that I did not know them well, was still an issue.  Going into the bus was even more daunting, smiling at people I had never seen before hoping they dont think I am odd, for having this huge smile fixated on my face...  Either way, they were very welcoming and friendly, instantly I knew, I would be fine.

Neo (my only friend at the time), was very accommodating, constantly checking up on me, checking if I am okay.  Then Claudia, Nyakallo (lady) and Nthabiseng came to introduce themselves and we had occasional small talk throughout the trip either way.  We then got to Joburg to fetch more campers, Dzamn those girls were very beautiful.  I particularly remember how Kgothatso came to say hi and told me how beautiful I was.  That was very sweet of her, and I thank her for a minor boost to my ego, hehehe...

On the Bus in Joburg

We then left for Pretoria at about 1pm, as we drove through the N1, I was on whatsapp with my friends at home.  Telling them how excited I was, and how I wish they had joined me.  We arrived at Pretoria and waited just a little while (5 min) before the campers arrived with their baggage.  The Pretorians, looked rather trendy and I dont know if maybe this is based on the fact that I too was excited, but I could sense their excitement as well.  They came in and as normal many said hi, and others walked passed.  But I remember two people in particular at that point.  Nyakallo (guy), came to introduce himself and kept telling me about a dog he will summon to me, lol.  Then Lwandle who came to introduce himself and say hi... Sweet.  Shortly after we left on our way to Magaliesburg.  I couldn't wait to arrive so that I can know the people better.

In the bus.

Now leaving PTA, awaiting our arrival in Magaliesburg

I woke up about five minutes before we arrived to Cyara Lodge (camp site), and it had been raining.  Gosh I was dead asleep as my window had been closed by someone for me (another sweet gesture).  The arrival at Cyara Lodge was a hasty one.  We had to move our baggage from the bus to the hall...  My poor bag wheels were covered in mud during that little trip, lol.  Then I sat patiently waiting for Trust (our camp master - i shall refer to him) to instruct further.  To cut a long story short, we had a few introductions and welcomes (in no particular order):

In the hall as we arrived.

1. The owner of the camp site
2. Lihle (member of the camp organising committee)
3. Nokuthula
4. Pastor Trust

We were then summoned into our teams.  I was in a team filled with beautiful, energetic individuals, I couldnt wait to get started.  The first task was a treasure hunt (to find the yellow team bandannas), that was very fun.  I found 2 yellow and 2 purple.  Pity our team HAD BEEN CHEATED as we had collected all bandannas before everyone, except for one, where we later found out, was actually missing/ stolen.  Fortunately due to the purple bandannas that we found, we gained bonus points (Yay).  

After this challenge we were sent to our rooms, to settle in for a bit, and then left for supper at 6pm.  This is where I saw that I am truly blessed to have thee best room mates a girl can ask for.

1. Naledi - very intellingent, beautiful, principled and with an amazing voice.  I've learned to pursue principle through her.
2. Thandeka - very mature, smart lady (brains with beauty) that knows what she wants.  I have learned that you can have it all, through her.
3. Busi - Petit, fragile, beautiful yet very driven.  I have learned integrity through her, and that I should never give up.
4. Mpopi - confident, gorgeous, classic look, yet very wise young lady.  She looks shy, but wow, she taught me never to judge a book by its cover.
5. Nthabiseng - The most amazing smile and eyes I have seen, ever heard of the saying "beauty that grows on you", that best describes her.  Very playful, but composed.  I've learned to relax and just be, through her.
6. Mpho (Bff) - an unreadable but extremely intelligent being.  This girl can reason, love her mind.  Love her body.  Love her sense of humor.  I have learned that "special" people still exist ngaye...  Like who is allergic to onions...Lol.  Just joking, but she is a special somebody, I dont know what it is, but I am fond of her.

The Swallow ladies (from left to right): Mpho, Naledi, Thandeka, Busi and Myself.  Mpopi is missing.

After settling in, we dashed off to supper, I must say the food at the site was not bad at all.  A filling meal everyday and desert.  So my dream of losing weight at the camp was not fulfilled, lol.

Dining time (from left to right): Mpho, Neo (back), Mpopi, Thandeka (front)

After supper we got into our teams to create a flag and war cry for our team.  This was at first a very argumentative session as we had strong personalities in our team, but thanks to Mpho (my camp bff), we agreed on the name "Swallow", we used the image of Pacman (yeah the tv game character) swallowing the blue, red and orange parasites on our flag.  It was a simple flag, yet the message was loud and clear.  Then we started practicing our war cry, the one war cry that was easy to remember and so fun to make and do...  We picked the red (Arrows) as our rivals, and the games were ON!!!

Team Swallow

Later that evening we had our church service, where Kamogelo (A Swallow member) delivered the word.  He was passionate about what he was talking about and then I thought, I want to be like that!  Which is my goal for 2014, get closer to God!

After church some went to sleep, but nna, I went to watch the movie organised for us called "Now you see me." I thoroughly enjoyed the movie, but could see it was Illuminati, based on the symbolism it showed throughout the movie.  Either way, it was a great movie.  Very original, and the ending really caught me by surprise.

At about 12/ 1am my bff and I decided to go to sleep.  Shem, me and the ladies in my room talked for hours, about everything, I decided to shut eye at about 3:30, knowing we are supposed to be up by 5am.  And before I knew it, Thandeka was telling us to wake up... It was 5am.

Happy New Year!!!

Yeah I know it is rather late, but hey rather late than never... Right?

This new year has brought along one new strange but rather flattering occurrence.  Hot Ben10's  macking on me.  I really do not know why, and for some odd reason it has got me all smiles.  Pity I am so not the Ben10 type, and I am in a committed relationship, so nothing shall be entertained.

With that being said, I will live this year with a young spirit.  I will forgive and forget like a child.  Love unconditionally like a baby.  Live carefree like a varsity student.  Watch my innocence guard like a high-school virgin.  And most importantly, live in the present, and consciously experience life.  As the saying goes... We are forever young!

I wish everyone a great 2014, filled with pleasant memories and experiences that make you a better person!