I am a brand new kind of me!

2014...

This must be the year where I actually put words into action.  I have experienced so many positive changes and wow...  As the saying goes #WeDontThankGodEnough .

It has been a year of personal changes and I am a brand new, happier kind of me.

1. I have a genuine, personal relationship with God.  He is my bestie, my Father and my Lover .  Through His principles, I am better person and living within my purpose.
2. My career is just so amazing.  It could be an attitude change that has made things so great, but by being bold I have been able to step forward and ask for what I want from my employer and this has in return made my work life so nice.
3. I moved back home.  I am so close to my mom and I love it.  She is an amazing woman and all these silly, childish thoughts that I had created in my head are all renewed.  She is now a strong woman, a fighter, one that has ensured I get only the best and one that does not want to see me suffer.  She understands me and really loves me in a unique but noticeable way.  She is my pillar.  She is my queen.  She is the reason, I have my life now.  She is the reason for my joy.  She is just purely amazing.  I cannot imagine my life without her.  I love my mom.  I love the home she created for me and my siblings and I am so grateful, God gave me her good looks. 
4. This also has made me closer to my baby Siyamthanda.  I am so blessed to have such a colourful child.  He is my light, and my joy.  I thank God for him.  He is unique and special in every way imaginable.
5. I am physically active.  I really ran out of excuses.  So I bought running shoes and started running in the hood.  Yes it is cold, it is smokey, and sometimes the conditions dont allow for it, but I run at least twice a week.  I do the Park run as well on Saturdays, and a lil training on the side.
6. I found love.  I am with this amazing ZULY man, who has just brought warmth in my heart.  He is so good looking.  So intelligent.  So charming.  So humble and really in tune with who he is and where he is going.  I am so grateful to have a man, who not only has dreams for himself, but his dreams accommodate me, my visions, plans and dreams.  Either way we have only been official for 2 weeks now, but as he says: "We only lose time we invested in each other, not the life lessons."  I learn something new everyday from this man.  He has become a very good friend and mentor.  And as he always says: "I am going to enjoy loving you!"  I really enjoy his loving.
7. More ME time.  I was one of those people who were utterly afraid of being alone.  This year I have spent a considerable time alone.  By doing this I read more.  I have read so many books this year.  Books that have built me and are continuing to do so.  This has also released from many toxic relationships, if it aint working, I have left that association.  I do a lot of self reflection and this helps me in being the best version of myself.  

This is my reflection on the first half of the year.  So far so good.  The plans God has for me are coming true.  The greatest lesson being that, IF I DO NOT GO FOR WHAT I WANT, I AM MISSING OUT!

So excited for what the rest of the year has in store for me.  Let us watch and see...

Thank GOD it's Friday!

"I am what I am because of the books I read"

Enuff Said!!!

Am I an alcoholic?

I used to be, a behavioral one.  Binge drink every weekend.  Could not go out and stay sober.  Always "sick". Party animal.  Involved in petty fights.  Having mornings filled with regret, yet anticipate the next drinking spree.  Alcohol was not my best friend (as it brought about a lot of regret), but he was one friend that I liked a lot.

We always talk about toxic relationships, friendships, etc...  But rarely talk about our own relationship with this intoxicating poison, that maybe the result of so many unplanned pregnancies, failed dreams, lost jobs, wasted money, disappointing those that love you most.
Being in a relationship with alcohol is worse than having a man that beats you up daily.  Cause unlike an abusive partner, alcohol does not show you  you the damage he does.  He smooth talks you, and like any man, comes with a certain class.  Hahahaha.  I remember how I would be like, "I am not an alcoholic", because  I would just drink any kind of alcohol...  "We drinking Ciroc today..." this for some odd reason, made me believe I was beyond alcoholism.  But the funny and stupid thing is that the result is the same.  You wake up to a morning filled with regret.

I flirted with alcohol, and here is my story:
I started with two brutal fruit dumpies - tasting, that wont get me drunk.
3 Storms - just a little tipsy to get me in the mood.
5 Saritas - I am more myself when I am a tipsy.
A small nip of Smirnoff 1818 - This made me forget all my things at the Vaal Dam, when I was at the All Res Picnic, and I was crying like a baby in public.  This should have made me see that I am now in a relationship with this monster.
Then I was buying big bottles of Triple Distilled - through this I inherited the name "Nomashushu" and I cant believe I was proud about this.
Then I became the Long Island IceTea, Smirnoff Spin and Skyy Vodka queen.   6 to 12 Spins per weekend, until I decided ENOUGH.

Drinking expensive french campaign, here and there, the odd Belvedere, Ciroc, Absolute Vodka, the more expensive the better, was my biggest deceit.  It may look good, it may cost alot, but alcohol brought me nothing but REGRET.

So that's my story on my abusive relationship with alcohol.  I thank God for deliverance as this thing was out to destroy me.  No one ever thought, including myself, that I may have a problem, but it is what it is.  I have relapses now and then, but NOW I share this so that you can evaluate yourself.  Use or lose it!  That is entirely up to you...

• Is alcohol taking precedence in your life?  
• Do you have broken relationships with certain people due to petty  mistakes you made whilst you were intoxicated?
• Do you sometimes wish people could mind their own business regarding your drinking habits?
• Have you missed business meetings, work, school, failed or even been fired due to consequences of a drunken night/ weekend, etc...?

It does not matter what justification you may have for drinking, if it causes you to have slip ups in your life, it is about time you do something about it.  I exercised the "GIFT OF GOODBYE" as my lovely friend Nolwandle would say, and shame, it is truly a gift cause saying goodbye is HARD.

But if you are not an alcoholic, I would urge you to stop flirting with ALCOHOL...

If you are in call Alcohol Anonymous South Africa on:

0861 HELP AA (435-722)

Useful links:
http://www.aanonymous.org.za/IsAAForYou.aspx
http://www.my-alcoholic-addict.com/types-of-alcoholism.html

I really am not worthy... But HE Still Loves Me!

This morning I decided to listen to a song that I love dearly, as it shows me how graceful God is.  I am not worthy of God's love, but He loves me irregardless.  God is using me, an imperfect vessel.  God keeps promoting me, with minimal effort.  And, God has thee best in store for me.  In saying this, please dont lose hope, please dont doubt your abilities, and please avail yourself to be God's willing vessel.  #GodFirst

Lyrics to Beyonce's "But He Still Loves me" (She features, Angie Stone and Walter Williams Sr.)

"He Still Loves Me"

Took me a while 
But I'm finally here 
So I just wanna testify 
Make it crystal clear 
See I've been picked out 
To be picked on 
talked bout outta me friends mouth 
I've been beat down 
Til he turned my life around 
(turn my life around) 

seems like I always fall short 
of bein worthy 
Cuz I aint good enough 
but he still loves me 

I aint no superstar 
The spotlight aint shinin on me 
(no no no no no) 
cuz I aint good enough 
but he still loves me 
Loves me 

I used to wake up somedays 
and wish i'd stayed asleep 
cuz i went to bed on top of the world 
today the worlds on top of me 
everybody's got opinions 
(they share) 
They aint been in my position 
(they don't care) 
that it breaks my heart when I hear what they 
have to say about me yeah 
(what they say) 

seems like I always fall short (fallin short) 
of bein worthy (Lord I aint worthy) 
Cuz I aint good enough (no no) 
but he still loves me (still loves me) 

I aint no superstar 
I wanna be for you 
The spotlight aint shinin on me 
(but i want to be for you) 
cuz I aint good enough 
but he still loves me 

I'm not perfect 
(I'm not perfect) 
Yes I do wrong 
(yes I do wrong) 
I'm trying my best 
(trying my best but) 
But it aint good enough 
(just aint good enough) 
Shunned by the world 
(shunned by the world) 
If I don't succeed 
Cuz I aint good 
But he still loves me 
(I just aint good enough) 

If you aint worthy just raise your hands 
And let me know that you understand 
That we are all so blessed 
To be loved, loved 

stand for him or fall for anything 
cuz through his eyes we all look the same 
What will we do 
Without out pain 

Feels like we always fall short 
Of bein worthy (we are not worthy) 
Cuz I aint good enough 
But he still loves me 
I aint no superstar 
(I aint no superstar but I wanna be for you Lord) 
The spotlight aint shinin on me 
Cuz I aint good enough 
(Oh) 
But you still love me 

I'm not perfect 
Yes I do wrong 
I'm tryin my best but 
(tryin my best) 
It aint good enough 
(I'm not good enough) 
Shunned be the word 
(shunned by the world) 
If i dont succeed 
(i dont succeed-ceed-ceed) 
Cuz I aint good enough 
But he still loves me 
(child sing with me) 
I'm not perfect 
Yes I do wrong 
I'm tryin my best but 
It aint good enough 
(But the Lord's been so good to me) 
Shunned be the word 
(Shunned by the world) 
If i dont succeed 
Cuz I aint good enough 
(I aint good enough) 
But he still loves me 
(The Lord still loves me) 

No I aint good enough 
But He still loves me 
(Raise your hands if ya understand) 
No I aint good enough 
(How he blessed you cuz he blessed you too) 
but He still loves me 
(even though I aint worthy) 
No I aint good enough 
(you aint worthy, He's there for you) 
but He still loves me 
(no matter what I do) 
No I aint good enough 
(I aint good enough) 
but he still loves me 
(but the Lord still loves me)

Love at first sight. The day I gained insight!

The feeling you get when you step into this museum...  ABSOLUTELY PRICELESS.  One memory I will treasure forever!  I know I am highly blessed and favoured, if I get the opportunity again.

Louvre Museum in Paris

To know more about this museum click on the link: http://famouswonders.com/louvre-museum-in-paris/

My social network Crush

If there is one thing that I hate about social network chat applications, it is the fact that they can make a person rather obsessive.  I am a BBM girl, however, since camp, I have spent a tremendous time on Whatsapp.  And, I actually love whatsapp, my justifications against it were really subjective as I was a die hard BBM fan.

Now, as much as I love whatsapp, it has two major flaws.  One, it has made me somewhat obsessive.  I have those contacts that I love to chat to, however, when they do not respond to your messages...  My goodness, I wish I could just...  Whoooooh, let me not say.  Then there is this last seen nonsense.  Like really, you are online, but you are not responding to my messages.  Or the "last seen on Thurs at 23:52", when you didnt even respond to my message sent at 23:45.  Kanti what have you been doing?  And who were you chatting to, cause clearly it is not me alone. Hayi, to be honest, this is a violation of privacy.  Not just mine (as there are those that I dont respond to as well), but the person that I am now questioning.

Anyways, this has contributed in me having a crush on someone.  Known in real life, but making me like them more through a social network. I look forward to their "hello, goodmorning, or Hey Manandi" greetings, and the flow of convo thereafter.  I stalk them on Whatsapp, BBM, facebook, twitter, etc...  It is sad when you have a crush who is NOT even active on social media, as you die ALONE.  Either way, I really hope there is real substance to my crush, (otherwise all these hopes remain to be an infliction of my imagination) as the more you interact face to face with someone, the more you know them.  The more you get to know their dreams, flaws, bad habits and vice versa.  I really hope this wont be another use to be, but in the interim, I will continue to have the fun in my mind...

Social networks have contributed to instant gratification, and this kills substance, suspense and patience.  However, after reading this link below, I know that the intent of social media is to make us insane: http://postgradproblems.com/new-study-says-social-media-is-making-you-crazy/ .  So my prayer for February, is for God to make me more patient.

Amen!

My List

So you know what they say about writing the qualities you want in your man.  I remember, as I was reading the Goddess Bootcamp, one of the assignments requires a woman to write down the qualities they want in their man, and make it public or place it in a public domain.  So here it goes...

1. Fears and Loves God
2. Loves the women in his life (family) and treats them well.
3. Must be at my level or higher - spiritually, emotionally, intellectually, financially and professionally.
4. Loves children
5. Loves music (preferably artistic as well)
6. Adaptable (adapts to all situations)
7. Out going (adventurous, travel, leisure)
8. Gadget and technology freak.
9. Spontaneous, will surprise me with flowers, vouchers, tickets, etc...
10. Comfortable with who he is and where he is in his life.
11. Does not mind my ghetto alta ego.

Not too bad ne???  

PS: Loving and respecting me need not be on the list, as I believe these are a given (common sense).